“Every child is one person away from being a success story”
From in foster care, to homeless, to happy and settled: My story.
Hello! Firstly id like to welcome you to my blog, and thank you for reading my first ever post! Starting this journey has been a big step in my life, and my future. I wanted to share my journey, and show people how I ended where I am today. I hope my journey inspires you, whether you’re a care leaver, a foster child, an average reader or my dad (Shout out to you dad!). So allow me to get started and take you back to the very beginning.
I first went into foster care when I was just 11 years old. The last couple of years before then had been filled with trauma and neglect from my mother, and it got so bad to the point I ran away, and asked a stranger for help. That stranger happened to be a care leaver, and she shared a bit of her life with me and called the police. She told me everything would be okay, and guided me to safety, that I will be forever thankful for.
Whilst in foster care I stayed with 13+ families, most of them I didn’t get along with. Living with strangers at a young age with a traumatic past can be very daunting, and every family has different lifestyles, and unfortunately when I finally met my match I was told I couldn’t stay there and was shipped off to another city. This is a big issue in fostering, There is a lack of foster carers resulting in children being moved in with unsuitable families.
Another issue is that some families simply don’t have the correct intentions. There were several times I was told things like “You’ll be just like your mother” or when I shared my dream of being a teacher I was told “You’d be awful at that” and was laughed at. I was also neglected by some of the foster carers I stayed with, being left on the streets all day with just roller skates on whilst they went in family day outs. These kinds of foster carers do not help vulnerable children and young people, and if anything sets them up for failure.
When I was 14/15 I started drinking alcohol and used it as a way to cope, as I saw this is what my mum had done. I started drinking in school, and out of school. Often stealing alcohol from my foster carers (Which is not acceptable, however it should have been locked away, as the local authority expect), I was excluded from school several times, and then the foster carers became cold and visibly disliked having me in their care. This only caused further problems for me as I couldn’t understand why I didn’t fit in, why no one liked me, and why I couldn’t just live with a family who were caring and compassionate. I was never comforted, and it felt like I was more of a burden to families rather than a part of their family.
This again is something I feel that local authorities need to pay closer attention to when placing children with families. As expected this caused many behavioural and mental problems for me, ultimately resulting in a self harm addiction and severe depression/suicidal ideation.
That leads us to when I turned 15, I had just moved cities again. This is where I was forced to leave a family who I was extremely settled with, I genuinely enjoyed being a part of their family. The next family I moved in with had a strange dynamic. I was incredibly depressed and isolated from the life I’d known for the past few years, my friends and family support network. Ultimately this resulted in severe depression, self harm and even several attempts on my life. Whilst I was still in the care of the local authority. They did little to help, as did the foster carers. I was referred a mental health provider, who told us that as I was under a certain cities local authority that I would have to see the team in that city, which wasn’t possible. So ultimately I was left to deal with this alone, and with no support from anyone.
This only progressively got worse. I was convinced I would not make it past 16, and that I wouldn’t be here anymore. Eventually I ran away to my mum, who seemed like she had changed. But I was very wrong. She was in fact still taking drugs and drinking alcohol daily, and if anything was worse then I had left. She had another child by this point, who the local authority had left in her care, despite her being unfit. I had point blank refused to go back to my foster carers as I thought life would be better there.
I was in fact wrong, and only picked up more trauma by being there. I was still self harming, and this is where I took my first attempt on my life that led to me being hospitalised. This happened several times between my 16th and 17th birthday. Yet I still wasn’t helped.
Fast forward a few years and we have now moved cities again, this time with my mum and sister. Somewhere along the way my mum had picked up a boyfriend, who was a drug addict and criminal. He had and still does have a negative impact on my mum, yet she simply won’t leave him. After a few years of living with my mum the environment became incredibly toxic and I was working a full time job, which I had to leave as my mental health became very unstable. This made my relationship with my mum worse as she wanted money I simply didn’t have (And if your thinking it was because I was living there your wrong, I was already paying her bills and buying her food shopping, she wanted this money for her habits). Eventually her boyfriend convinced her to kick me out of the house, leaving me essentially homeless, jobless, and increasing vulnerable as my mental health was already unstable.
By this point I was 19. The council had placed me in a shared house, which I was incredibly lucky to be in such a nice one. When I went there I had nothing, no bedsheets, clothes, toiletries, food, dishes, pots and pans. I was essentially left alone by the local authority, who were still responsible for me. After a month of living there I realised I could not continue to live like that. I hadn’t been in education for years, or work in months. So I started applying for jobs, and eventually I found a course ran by a company, that guaranteed you with a job at the end. At first I didn’t want to go, but I forced myself to.
This course led me to my current job of almost two years, as a chef in a cozy pizza restaurant. I was very lucky to come across this job. Here everyone has made me feel at home, and I have not just gotten better at my job, but also as a person. I am much more confident then I was when I walked through the doors, I’m much more mature and responsible, and most importantly I’m happy.
Now I am living by myself in a flat that I manage myself, I have taught myself to pay my bills and how to live independently. I’m settled in a career, and I have reconnected with my dad and siblings, which is something I never thought would’ve happened. I have also cut ties with my narcissistic mother, which has left me feeling better then ever. And now the world seems much brighter then it did when i was younger.
Though this is not my entire story detail, i hope it is enough to prove that you can do anything when you put your mind to it, no matter your background, your mental health struggles, or other challenges life may throw at you. As i mentioned there was a point in my life where i genuinely didn’t think I would make it past 16, and now I’m 21, and content with life, doing what makes me happy, and now I’m going on to help others who were just like me.
Thank you for reading, and i hope to see you here again next week to read my next post.
Leave a Reply